The Bionic Woman

April 11, 2013

When I was younger, I had several people tell me I looked like Lindsay Wagner, who starred in the 70’s hit series, The Bionic Woman.  I remember being flattered by this, as I watched the show and thought it was pretty cool.

I was thinking about old Lindsay Wagner’s character today while I was getting fluid drawn from my sore and swollen knee.  Turns out that degenerative disc/cartilage issues are not just happening in my back, yet are shining forth in my knees, to boot (pun intended).  The physician I saw said that I would probably have to have it replaced in the next ten years or so, and being only 49, this isn’t a pleasing notion.  Granted, there are lots of new and exciting things happening in the medical field, yet all I could think of was pain and money.  Both of which would be of issue if and when I have to have surgery on my back or my knee.

Why aren’t my parts lasting longer, I pondered, as I heard the news?  Was it all that Jane Fonda, spandex-wearing aerobics I did in the 80’s?  Was it bounding up flights of stairs with a case of wine when I was a bartender in La Jolla in the 90’s? What the heck have I done that warrants a crap back and a gimped out knee?  Seems to me that I’ve just been living, and using my body as a tool to make things happen.

Unlike Lindsay, I didn’t have a skydiving accident and land in a tree…hitting everything on the way down. Her maimed bits seem logical and understandable.  Why don’t mine?

Suffice it to say, I can see the direction in thinking I am going to have to take on all of this:  it doesn’t matter why or how…it simply IS.  Drat.  I’ve had plenty of nudges in that direction of late.  I want answers, dammit!  Tell me why, so I can rant and rave about it all, and regret and wish I had done things differently, or be mad and hate on something.  What the heck am I supposed to do with all this ‘in between crap’ before I get to a place of acceptance?  I am so far from being Buddha with the calm and smiling face that I can’t even see his statue.

Well, I shall divine my own answer to the litany of questions:  Life is Absurd.  <thank you, Lee>

If life isn’t fair (which we all know it isn’t), and it doesn’t matter ‘why’ things happen, only that ‘they’ do, and in the end, if it’s true that IT really doesn’t matter…then what else is there to do than just live?  Keep on keeping on, as the saying goes.  (grimace)

Well, crap.  I can see that my mind isn’t going to be tons of help with all of this angst, so I’m going to have to rely on my heart.  Maybe there is more wisdom in there than I’ve ever taken the time to know.  Maybe that is where my super strength, Bionic Woman, resides!?  Even if someday I have to have some rods and screws instead of discs and cartilage in a few spots, at least, hopefully, I will be wise enough to know where my strength actually resides.



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