Untitled

June 21, 2010

It is pretty apparent that people are uncomfortable with anything on this blog other than stories and drawings.  I guess I can’t blame someone for not wanting to read about difficult things.

Maybe it’s time for me to stop writing.  I’ve probably covered all the bases anyway…and it would look ridiculous to keep trying to come up with something relevant to say.

I suppose this is a pity party I’m holding for myself.  I’m not questioning my art, per se, I just feel really tired of trying to be optimistic and upbeat about it.  I guess I don’t see the point of keeping at it, other than doing something for myself here and there…

People say, “it takes time” to get your work noticed.  Maybe.  Maybe not.  I haven’t sold a thing at the Art Bazaar.  I sold some stuff at the art festival, yet that was mainly to my  friends and family.  I don’t discount this and do not mean to sound like I do…it’s just that friends and family can only support you for a while.  It’s not their job, really.

I think I may have been really stupid to leave my old job and go for this art ‘thing’.  Time to live and learn.  The world doesn’t need more artists.  It needs more cogs in the wheel.  I’m not being a good cog by trying to be different.

I think what is depressing me the most these past two days is that I feel foolish in ever thinking I could be something other than what I have always been.  Someone who does what is needed and that has meant that I have a job, and I go to work.  Period.  I earn the appropriate amount of money, and I pay my bills.

None of this frilly, free-time-to-create stuff for you, Missy.  You don’t make enough money with your art to have that luxury.  What in the world were you thinking?

Yes, that’s what my head is telling me.  Stupid, stupid, stupid.

My heart is not saying anything.  I think it knows better.

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6 Responses to “Untitled”

  1. Lee said

    The world doesn’t need cogs, the machine does. The world needs more beauty and truth and less of the machine…

  2. Sara Beth said

    I hate to think you feel this way so soon. Didn’t you just leave your job a few weeks maybe a month ago?

    When I started reading this blog I was inspired to think someone out there is doing what they want and taking that chance. I wanted to do the same. I started having dreams again of doing something I enjoy rather than trying to make this field I’m in work even though I’m not using the “right” side of my brain.

    I’m not sure I’d be good at anything…I’ve always been average at what I do. And I’m not bringing in any real money…My husband is the one who can really make “it” happen in the business we’re in.I’m the assistant, the follower. Don’t give up your art even if you have to go back to the work world. Why not get the part time job to see if the art will take off? Am I being selfish to have your “risk” be my inspiration? I want to be a Sprial Girl.

    • Alison said

      Sara Beth,

      You have never been average. I am *honored* to think I could inspire. I hope that I can do that for us both…

      Love, Alison

  3. Peg said

    I’ll bet your heart is numb as this point, huh? Why would it want to be “alive” if all it gets to feel is pain, pain and more pain wrought by the insane hand of your maniacal mind? Our mind would have us cling to societal beliefs requiring that we fit into the hive mentality and demonstrate proficiency at constructing ever more fantastic widgets….to hell with the idea that such widgets bring happiness to no one.

    How many artists have you read of who were instantly famous, successful, and rollin’ in the dough? I don’t know about yours, but my magic wand has too many miles on it for me to expect that I can wave it your way and produce a sales volume of $1 k per month in the early days of your career. The question that I have for you, Missy, is do you want to own up to being an artist, and possibly risk failure, or do you want to run and hide within the corporate world of wheels while pretending that you’re a no talent hack?

    Have you felt into your heart in the past few hours? Have you heard any cracking, breaking sounds? What about your mind? Is it dancing a jig of delight while thinking it has won yet another battle in this mythic warlike struggle with the heart?

    I, for one, want to hear the truth of your journey into the bowels of despair and the heights of elation as you continue to tread your path, Spiral Girl. Pretty stories get boring after a while; give me some dramatic tension (as opposed to melodrama), if you please.

    • Alison said

      Peggy,

      There are no words for the depth of our friendship. I am eternally grateful for you…

      Love, indeed.

      Alison

  4. Lynne said

    Alison, I’m definitely late to the party, but I’m chiming in anyway. Leaving the workaday world to create art is an act of courage and belief. Sure, it feels good to be optimistic and upbeat when the feeling are true — but they’re not a daily occurrence even when we’re on the right path. I don’t know how to make a living as an artist, but I do know that it took about a year (or maybe two) to feel that I could support myself with my editing/design business. Keep at it, girl, if that’s where your heart is.

    xo, Lynne

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