June 20, 2010

My friend, Peg, says that when you find yourself back in your ‘gunk’, so to speak, you are operating from 3-D space, rather than the upper levels of consciousness.  The 3-D place where things are solid, unmoving, and rigid.  I can’t breathe in this space.

Guess where I am today?  Right.   Somewhere sub-terranian in thought or consciousness, I would imagine.

It’s just that today…I don’t want to play anymore.  My shoulders are burning with tightness and pain, I miss my dad, it’s too goddamn hot, I’m tired of worrying about money, and I’m just tired of being me.  Everything seems stupid to me today.


What the heck happens when this happens?  Did I miss a step in the last 24 hours?  Did I detour while sleeping so that when I awoke, I was alone and wandering this wasteland?

I have no idea.  I just feel like shit.

I’ve tried quilting and drawing and reading to pull me out of this spot.  Looking for that thing that is just barely out of reach.  Just barely there on the horizon.  I just can’t reach it.

These are days when I wonder whether I am nuts.  Maybe I’m just honest, though.  I look myself in the eye on these days, and I don’t turn my head.

Or, maybe not…


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